Don’t fill your barrel with stress sweat, the scalpel is your friend. Or how to prepare yourself for a surgery.

 

 

 

“If I were a surgeon, I would say to the patient, when he falls asleep:” Still ok to change sex?” To see how long he holds on.”
Anonymous.

 

 

 

 

Hello, young Padawan

 

It’s time to share some of my personal experience today on the blog. I hope you are ready.
As you will find that your faithful servant has a wee bit of experience in this area, we will talk about surgery today. What to do as a patient before, during and after the operating room for the best recovery.

I’ve lived a little dozen general anesthesias and surgeries. So I organized a “routine” over time (yes, I did. #Psychopath) to prepare my body and recover at its best, faster, and I naturally thought that it would be a good idea to share it with you. Nothing magical, I’m not a President, I’m not going to delude you with illusional things you’ll never have. Just common sense, focus and listening. And maybe one or two things that you do not know but that have been so proven that it would be a shame not to enjoy it.

 

 

 

 

“BEFORE”

Yoga

And here we are in the hipster massive cliché. It is obvious that yoga helps to relax the body and mind, and it’s a 100% what we seek before a surgery. So come on, set your prejudices aside, put on your best pink fluorescent tights, those with the “meat and two veg” proudly noticeable, it’s time to do the downward dog, I am waiting for your pics.

 

Fasting

A strong body will be more able to recover nicely. To prepare our body is the key. It is essential. To this end, there is something that Germans have understood: the benefits of fasting.
One week before a surgery I follow a 3-day of organic apple diet to put my liver in an Olympic health, then, until the medical intervention I do intermittent fasting. I eat only between 5 pm and 9 pm, a snack at 5p and a dinner at 7 pm. It has to be validated by your doctor of course, but knowing that they recommend fasting to the patients who recover from chemotherapy I do not see what can be the contraindications, apart from cachexia.

 

hygiene

That goes without saying so I prefer to say it anyway: the more you will have an irreproachable hygiene and the more your scars will be beautiful and your body, in general, will heal quickly. It worth it.
Before the surgery: make a clean house with the emphasis on sanitary equipment, clean sheets, towels, and linens. Cut your nails of the hands and the feet, take a shower with the products that are indicated on the doctor’s prescription, in the right order, the number of times it is asked. Put on clean clothes. Wash hands regularly and dries well to minimize contamination. It is our patient responsibility to respect the preoperative protocol. It’s essential.

A last one in case of: wash and disinfect your smartphone for god sake. You’re welcome.

 

 

 

 

 

“during”

 

No stress babe

FYI, you are more likely to die crossing the street than having an anesthesia. Now you feel better, nah?
It’s not because you’re going to tie knots in your belly that you will feel better and I would even say quite the opposite. From experience, I have noticed that the most stressed patients have the most arduous awakenings. No matter what happens, you have no control over it, relax, trust the medical team, and carpe diem.

 

breathe / meditate

Breathe, and free the mind. Mediation lovers will have an advantage here, but if this is the first time for you there is a simple exercise you can do, which is called “breathing in consciousness”: Close your eyes, empty the air out of your lungs by pulling your belly in then take a first inspiration with the belly by inflating a maximum for 5 seconds, block your air for 5 seconds, then expire by pulling your belly in for 5 seconds. Wait 5 seconds without taking air, then you start the exercise again for about a minute.

 

play down

Humor. It sounds stupid, but if you laugh with the medical team you will feel better, and so are they. It’s a win-win. Humor helps our body to relax. I also assume that if they do not have to deal with your stress they will have even more focus on everything else, as one less thing to manage in their list. It’s mathematical. Let’s pop up your jokes!

 

 

 

 

 

“after”

awakening

If you are a rare gem like your faithful servant, it can happen that you have a quick, clear and lucid awakening. You’ll tell me it’s great. Yes indeed, as soon as I wake up I can recite you a poem by Victor Hugo or my next shopping list (not the winning numbers of the lottery, not yet!), But in this charming case of a quick and lucid awakening, you will wake up … intubated. No need to panic, just breathe gently through your nose, swallow gently and steadily, and make noise by tapping the metal bar of the bed with your nails (or the plastic thing you have on your index finger to take the rate of oxygen) to call the nurse who will come quickly to relieve you.

Don’t be afraid, it’s like your first time: it’s fast and you feel nothing. Do not try to talk I have already tried many times and it does not work, we must have the vocal cords blocked with the tube I guess, only air comes out, no sound. Just tap the metal bar and if you can raise an arm in the air, they will understand faster than the sound comes from you. I reassure you it is a case on 100 it seems. But now that you know it can happen, you will not panic if you wake up in Darth Vader mode. You have the keys.

That’s what to share is, my friend. #imnotyourfather

 

DRINK

It sounds silly but to hydrate after a surgery is absolutely essential. To eliminate the products of the anesthesia on the one hand and for the body and the skin in general on the other hand. Drink, my boy, drink a lot. Water of course. Cheers.

 

Get up IF THE DOCTOR SAYS YOU CAN

I know we always have apprehension and that’s normal, but if the stethoscope-man tells you that you can, try. If you are a little worry, call the medical staff, they will help you to get up safely. The quicker you will go back to an active life and the better you will recover fast and well.
If of course, the doctor prescribed bed rest do not do your Indiana Jones, and pee in your bedpan. It’s not a drama, rest, sleep, watch the movies that you never have time to see or read the books that are for 2 years on your bedside table and the time will pass very quickly.

 

fasting

Yes, again. These Germans were not tired of selling us their luxurious sedans, now the fasting, and in two years, sandals with socks? (OMG!)
As part of the “Rocky Balboa team”, as soon as I’m at home, I follow a 3-day of organic apple diet. For the liver as a priority, and for the intestines as well. Fasting eliminates toxins from the anesthetic products, and even more.
After my 3-day diet, I go back to intermittent fasting where I can eat from 5 pm to 9 pm. At 5 pm I have a juice from a slow juicer: 1 fennel, 1 lemon, 1 apple, a bit of turmeric and a bit of ginger. Perfect juice for the liver and for the metabolism as well. I drink it slowly, then I have dinner stuffed with antioxidants around 7 pm. I keep this diet until full recovery.

 

move

If you have surgery on your arm, you can walk. If you have surgery on your knee, you can exercise your arms, or if your physical condition allows you: one leg squats with the help of a physiotherapist.
In fact, it’s simple, you must always listen to what the doctor tells you, and what your body tells you. Forget your brain and your concern. But thanks god it is very rare that the doctor tells you to stay strictly bedrest for 6 months.
It happened to me a few years ago and I was still doing breathing exercises, movements of various parts of the body to which I was entitled such as the neck and arms, feet. There is always something to do to stay in motion, without running a semi, just adapt to your abilities. To move is the most natural thing in the world, we are born for that.

 

hygiene

Here we are again but it is essential. Do not touch your healing scars with hands that look like feet (Do you have the horrible picture? yuck). If for one reason or another you need to touch or re-do your bandage by yourself, make sure you have washed and disinfected hands. As your nurse does. Copy her on this point, apply the same gestures. Do not touch the compress but use the paper wrap to hold it and position it for example. The fewer bacteria there will be and the more your scars will be beautiful and your healing quick.

 

NO SUN ON THE SCARS. UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES whatsoever

Do you want a big swollen purple scar? See you at the beach, after you, I would even say without me. First, the beach is a microbe nest, second, the sun is your worst enemy if you have undergone a surgery.
It is better to wait several months before exposing the body in general and more than a year for the scar itself if you really want but for myself, I do not even expose scars that are 20 years old. I do not want to have a white line on a golden skin and want to keep maximum flexibility to the skin. I chose the “as white as a shitter” team and it suits me very well. If this is not your team then choose the best sunblock screen with a minimum SPF 50 for your scars.

Patience

No matter what type or where you have had a surgery, you will have to be patient. Time and your body do their work, you do your part by respecting it and feed it with anti-oxidants (raw fruits and vegetables) to help it to recover, but there is a variable that you can not avoid: the time of a good convalescence. If you want to go skiing with your friends, and you had surgery 8 days ago for appendicitis it may not be the best idea. There will be other opportunities, your body needs to rest. Concentrate on your convalescence and when you will return in your best form, then and only then, you will do your marathon, your trip, your zumba or whatever. A time for everything, do not rush your body, it would be a shame to have to go back on surgery again and restart from scratch.

 

Courage

Keep in mind that the 48 hours are the most difficult, then focus on the first-week goal, then the second-week goal is already better, and in the third week, you will have forgotten most part of the difficult moments. Step by step, stay focused on short-term goals. Clench the jaw, tomorrow will be sunnier;)

 

 

 

 

This is it my little padawan, mostly common sense, I may have taught you something or two, if not a reissue is always useful especially when it comes to health. You have only one body you have to take care of it, even more, when you ask for efforts such as surgery.

I wish you the best health in the world and if you’re a reckless head: be careful.

 

Daredevil kisses.

 

 

IMG 3678 - Don't fill your barrel with stress sweat, the scalpel is your friend. Or how to prepare yourself for a surgery.

Dequindre Cut, Detroit, Mi.

 

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