« I love you, and I will make you happy! »
Pepé Le Pew.
… Well, no, Pepé, you missed it!
On to the real quote from this post:
«In a couple, perhaps the important thing is not to want to make the other happy; it’s to make each other happy and to offer this happiness to the other.»
Hello, Young Padawan,
Remember when spring is there and with it the beginning of romantic relationships, those beautiful moments when you can confuse a Fiat with a Lamborghini – when your other half seems to you the most beautiful, the smartest…
You would do anything for her or him and vice versa, but is this “anything” up your alley?
You can’t make someone happy.
There you go, see you next Thursday, goodbye! lol.
So you can’t, as I said, make someone happy. At best, you can do this:
– Make him/her laugh.
– Make him/her feel good for a moment.
– Show him/her a good time.
But that’s it; you don’t have superpowers. Just like no one can make you happy. Nobody… well: yourself, of course!
The only person having this crazy power over you is yourself. And that’s the same for your partner in life.
A couple is two individuals who decide to be a team.
The clone couple, “To be one,” is a fantasy (except in the case of a Kamasutra experiment, but we’re not talking about that here, well, not this time, I hope, ed). The “Heckle and Jeckle” myth is illusory and goes straight against the wall (and without a Kamasutra experiment). In any case, it’s not where we’re really happy. True happiness does not stifle personalities for the benefit of the other or the fusion of the couple; happiness is far too respectful for that.
I’ll go further: a real couple is two individually healthy and happy individuals who decide to share their personal happiness with each other. And there, hang on to your pants because it’s gliding without narcotics, lol. There you take off. Sunny days and Rainbows 24/7. This is what is a worthy romantic relationship.
Support, motivation, mutual respect, and sharing build mutual love. When such solid foundations are laid (and not gotten laid, ed), a real team is started in addition to the complicity and basic commonalities of all couples. The bonus: everyone gains in individual strength. Your couple in life is Rocky Balboa’s team facing Appolo Creed (the 2nd opus, when he wins on the wire shouting Adriaaaan!!!).
The other is not a crutch to slouch on. Our happiness is our own responsibility.
Third coat, in case the lady wasn’t clear enough.
Someone who loves you can’t take you away from your corpses in the closet, or just for a given time, but the reality is catching up with you or catching up with your other half; that’s why you must remain vigilant, especially at the beginning.
At the beginning of a relationship, we are certainly blinded, but we also blind the other because we want to show ourselves in our best light, which is quite natural. So we make ourselves beautiful on the outside and inside: we hide our pain, wounds, and anxieties.
To have lived through a lot of intense things or gone through storms is not bad; I would tend to say quite the contrary, but there is a difference between someone who dealt with a heavy past and who has digested all that, who learned lessons from his experiences to better move forward with philosophy and benevolence and those who remain prostrate in the past, without working to free them from it.
If your loved one is in an emotional prison, even with a lot of love, he will stay there until he decides to get out of it alone or with the help of a pro, but never by you, you’ll never have this superpower, and you have to be aware of it. You can support your loved ones and encourage them, but you can only manage your life, not theirs.
So the next time Don Juanita gives you that lovely Pepé Le Pew speech, you know what you have to say, “Make the fuck yourself happy.”